Dear Daughter

It's been awhile!

As always I've been busy working away and trying to get things ready for baby E's impending arrival.

5 weeks to my due date!

I wouldn't be upset if she wanted to come a bit ahead of schedule though and join us before Christmas.

I thought I'd try to sneak in at least one more Dear Daughter before she arrives. I anticipate the next few weeks being a little bit hectic what with finishing up work (and trying to max out on hours for the sake of my bank account and my mat leave pay), getting all of the final things we need (changing pad, bassinet and bath tub - both borrowed - a carrier wrap for stroller-less walks, a diaper bag, etc etc), and also getting ready for the holidays.

So hopefully I'll get a few more posts in before Dec 22 (or whenever she decides to make her outside world debut).

Dear Daughter,

We are starting to get really excited about meeting you. 

You're due date is quickly approaching and you are also quickly running out of room in my belly. 

Your movements are way bigger now. Not so many kicks and punches but lots of rolls. My entire stomach will lurch from one side to the other when you do those big movements.

I'm not sure, but you may have dropped. 

Suddenly my bladder feels less reliable when I'm standing. 

Peeing my pants is a real and genuine concern.

As excited as I am to get to hold you and smell your sweet little head (don't babies' heads always smell so sweet?) I'm going to miss the selfishness of carrying you with me, feeling you start to stir and letting your dad know when to feel your gymnastics routine, the now all-too familiar pulsing when you've got the hiccups. 

Lately I catch myself sitting in your room and picturing you in there.  

Today I caught your dad nesting - he washed all of your blankets and sleepers and onesies and coordinated your outfits to your hats and socks/booties for when we bring you home from the hospital. 

God I love your dad. 

Tonight is my last night shift at work (!!!!) for 10 months.

Then I'll be on permanent night shift duty... unless you like to sleep. I hope you like to sleep.

Then I have 10 more shifts before I start my maternity leave on December 8th. 

The countdown is on!

Since this is likely the last time I'll write to you before you arrive, thank you for such an easy & enjoyable pregnancy.

The insane heartburn I could have done without, same goes for the occasional super uncomfortable jimmy leg, but I'd do it all over again. 

I'm going to miss looking down and seeing you move across my belly and feeling your movements (maybe not so much the kicks to the ribs) but I can't wait to look down and see your sleeping face. 

And your crying face. 

Let's be serious, you're going to cry. Probably a lot. 

And if I get frustrated with you, I don't mean it. 

I'll still love your crying face. 

Your dad and I are nervous about me going into labour.

He's worried he'll be at work and have to rush home. He's so afraid that he'll miss your birth.

I'm nervous about the entire process, truth be told. 

I'm afraid I won't recognize labour when it starts (sounds dumb but I like to worry. Let's hope you don't get my worrying genes).

But we both know that it ends with us becoming parents. 

Decent parents, hopefully. 

We'll try our best to give you everything you could possibly need and to keep you happy.

Except a hamster/gerbil/rodent-type pet.

We already decided that you have a cat and a dog and therefore don't need another stinky little pet. 

Sorry if you had your heart set on one.

See you on the outside, little girl!

You have a lot of people anxiously waiting to meet you.

We love you very very much.

Wanted: a Vacation

Maybe it's because I'm currently working a night shift and I'm pooped.

Maybe it's because I've been trying to work as much as I can without making myself exhausted.

Maybe it's knowing I've got about 11 more weeks of work and then I'll be on maternity leave.

Maybe it's because once I go on mat leave it'll be years before I take a vacation without having to think about a little one.

 

 

I want to relax and be pampered, eat good food, spend hours reading, and generally just enjoy the last little bit of my free time - while it's still my time.

 

Don't get me wrong, I'm incredibly excited to be a mom. I've wanted to be a mom for pretty much my entire life and I'm beyond ready to turn my time into baby's time.

I'm just being realistic because, from what I know and what I've heard, while being a parent is incredibly amazing, it can also be incredibly tough.

I just want to end 29 years of selfish existence with a bang.

 

And maybe a beach.

 

Then bring on the diapers, the smiles, the moments spent just staring at the perfect little life we created, and the every-2-hour-feedings.

 

Dear Daughter

Dear daughter,

You don't know it, but you went on your first camping trip this past weekend. 

You should be proud, we hiked about 5 km in to Algonquin park to set up our camp in the rain. 

And your mom only cried once. 

*Your mom has never cried while camping before. She blames the hormones, being somewhat out of shape, and how uncomfortable backpacks are when you can't do up the waist strap and the weight is fully on your shoulders. 

What I thought about a lot while my body worked out the aches was this: why did I ever give my body a hard time for not being "perfect"?

Why was I ever hung up on how flat my stomach was?

Now my belly is round and full and and I catch myself smiling at my profile in mirrors.

It has never felt more perfect to me - and that's because I know you're warm and safe in there. 

Why did I ever size up my hips and wish them to be smaller?

They are as wide as they need to be to make your entry into the world as easy as possible (hopefully!). 

Why did I ever wish for my body to be anything but what it is?

It is 50% responsible for creating your tiny heartbeat and is 100% responsible for making sure you grow healthy and strong until we get to meet you.

I hope that, throughout your long, healthy, and happy life, I am able to instil in you a sense of respect for your body and that you never look in a mirror and hate what you see. 

I hope you feel beautiful everyday for all the things that you are, inside and out. 

And while I hope I can teach you these things, I hope that you remember that you taught me this as well. 

How could I ever think ill of the body that is giving me you?

I hope I can remember to always look past the sags, wrinkles, and extra weight here and there and remember that my body did what I wanted it to perfectly: created you.

So, thank you, body,

You're perfect.

And thank you, dear daughter, for teaching me this. 

Peach Cake

If there's been a lack of posts lately it's because I've been going to bed by 9 pm most nights. 

I was working quite a bit and also battling a gross cold. 

Sinus congestion and throat pain - oh my!

I'm starting to feel better, finally, but still tired. 

Something tells me I'll be tired almost constantly now for the next few years...

Inspired by a basket of peaches and a jar of amazing peach jam courtesy of a friend, I decided to put a fruity spin on a coffee cake recipe and make a peach cake. 

It's a good one. 

And a good way to use up those last-of-summer peaches. 

• Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
• For the crumble: In a bowl, mix together 1 3/4 cup flour with 3/4 cup brown sugar and 2 tbsp cinnamon. Cut in 6 tbsp butter using a pastry cutter or two knives, until the mixture is the size of peas. Set aside.
• In a bowl, cream together 1/2 cup butter and 1 cup sugar. Add in 2 eggs and 1 tbsp vanilla. Mix in 1 cup of vanilla yogurt. 
• Stir in 2 cups flour, 1 tsp baking powder, 1 tsp baking soda and a pinch of salt. 
• Pour 1/2 of the batter into the bottom of a lightly greased loaf pan.  
• Cut 3-4 peaches into slices and layer on top of the batter. Sprinkle with the crumble mixture. 
• Top with the remainder of the batter. Spread on a layer of peach jam then top with the remainder of the crumble mixture. 
• Bake for about an hour or until cooked through. 

Let cool, then slice, share with friends, and enjoy!

Let's Go To (the food building at) The Ex!

Summer, for me, always wraps up with the opening and closing of The CNE - The Canadian National Exhibition, or The Ex. 

Even though we'll still have summer weather (and technically summer since fall doesn't start til later this month) for awhile longer, it always just feels like a summer full of long days and warm nights has wrapped up. 

This is extra ridiculous because the weather this summer hasn't been particularly hot. 

But today was a hot one. 

John and I made our way down once I finished work to take in the sights and sounds (and tastes, more importantly) of the Ex before it closed its doors for another year. 

I haven't been big on the rides since I was little - also cause as I get older the voice saying 'hey, this event runs for two weeks every year. How safe do you think these rides are?' gets a little louder - but this year I had a definitely excuse to stay off the rides. We did splurge on tickets for the ferris wheel though. I've always enjoyed it and it's  great way to see the entire grounds and the masses of people. 

Plus Baby E seemed to enjoy it, as she gave me a few good kicks as we made our way down from the top. 

Then we walked around, watched some people play games at the midway. 

We saved our money for food. 

As always, I was excited to see what the new additions would be to the food building. 

The big ticket items were the Thanksgiving waffle, the chocolate fried chicken, the chunky Elvis grilled cheese & the spicy peanut butter sriracha rolls (both were no-goes on my list), the far east taco (like an Asian spin on the classic beaver tail), the butter coffee, and the crowbar. 

I had two of those things. 

I had to make a decision between the cocoa-infused chicken and the Thanksgiving waffle. I went with the chicken.

It was divine. 

The batter they use has - you guessed it - cocoa infused into it and then it's deep fried. It's amazing. 

We had an option of two dipping sauces. I forget what the other option was but I went all in and opted for the chocolate ketchup. 

If this comes back next year GO FIND IT.

And save me some.

John went a different route (in hindsight he refers to it as the gut rot route) and got the colossal onion. It's a massive onion that they deep fry. Then you pull the pieces apart and dunk them in dipping sauce. 

It was like a big helping of onion rings but we only finished about a third of it before we had to say our goodbyes. 

This is a staple at The Ex so if you want one of your own, never fear. It'll be back again next year.

The Crowbar. I tried to talk John into getting the butter coffee also being sold at this location but he was full with the onion. The crowbar is the beautiful love child of a chocolate bar baked into a croissant-like pastry. I went with the Mars bar (Caramilk, and Reese's Peanut Butter cup were also options) and was not disappointed. The cronut was the big hit last year and I missed it so I didn't want to pass up the chance to try the crowbar. 

I still have half sitting on the counter to be picked at and savoured over the next few days.

So while my food samplings didn't quite rival that of other years, I'm pleased with my decisions.

And even happier about an afternoon well spent with my main guy.

Fall Wish List

Summer is still upon us though the cooler weather as of late has gotten me thinking about things I'd like to buy for the fall. 

Usually this consists of sweaters and warmer outfits.

This fall, however, I'm going to stay away from clothes because my size is expanding every day. 

I did get a gift certificate to Thyme for my birthday and plan on buying at least a few more maternity pieces. 

But thinking about other things to purchase, I came up with this small list below.

1. New Toms in black. I currently own a green pair that have seen better days. My big toes are starting to poke through the ends of both shoes. I love these shoes for work though. They're easy to slip on and so comfortable to wear. 

2. Sally Hansen Miracle Gel polish (in 'Wine Stock' and 'Dig Fig'). Yes, those shades are very similar. Yes, I still want them both. This miracle gel polish is supposed to be as good as shellac manicures without the need for a UV light to set it. Worth a try.

3. Asymmetrical 'E' necklace. For the ever-growing Baby E. Only probably not the one in the picture as that one is quite pricey. I took a quick peak on Etsy but was unable to find an asymmetrical E on my first hunt. I've got a few more night shifts to go during which I can spend searching in my down time. 

4. Kate Spade 18 month planner. My current planner is a small calendar I got from my nursing union. It does the job but I kind of want a big flashy one. Especially since at the start of 2015 I won't have any work shifts to put into it and it'll likely only be doctors appointments and maybe penciling in visits from friends (it'll give me something to put in the planner and make me feel like my days aren't just spent changing diapers every 2 hours in between regular feedings).  I can also keep track of sweet things like E's first non-gas/poo related smile, first giggle, when she can hold up her head, etc. 

And that's it.

That's all I've got so far. 

I'm currently on night 4 of a 7-in-8-nights string of night shifts (I know, I booked these shifts accidentally and will never do it again) so I'm thinking a shopping spree is going to be my reward for making it through the rest of these shifts alive!

Monday might just be Treat Yo' Self day.

The Ultimate Brownie, or The Chocolate Chip Cookie Cheesecake Brownie

I haven't done any baking in a loooooong time. 

A long time.

And now that I have this wonderfully big, open kitchen, there's no excuse.

Spurred on by the colder weather we've been having as of late, I decided to turn on the oven and get to mixing.

A few weeks ago I bought a bag of cookie mix, having been craving a large, soft chocolate chip cookie that day. By the time I got home the craving was gone and the bag sat in the cupboard for awhile.

 

So.

What could I make with a bag of President's Choice The Decadent chocolate chip cookie mix?

What if I whipped up a brownie mix?

What if I layered the brownie mix over the cookie mix?

And what if I added some cheese cake mix, whirled into the brownie mix?

Well Jamie, I do believe you'd have The Ultimate Brownie: The Chocolate Chip Cookie Cheesecake Brownie.

If you want to make your own, here's how:

1. Preheat oven to 350. Mix chocolate chip cookies according to instructions on bag (your best bet is the kind that only needs butter and water. No raw egg means you can lick that bow clean without worry). I used about a 1/3 of my cookie mix to completely cover the bottom of the pan. 

2. Spread in an even layer along the bottom of a 9x9 pan, pre-greased with butter or cooking spray.

3. Bake for about 8 minutes, until set around the edges but not completely finished. Remove and let cool but don't turn the oven off. 

4. In a small microwave safe bowl, mix 3/4 cup chocolate chips with 3 tbsp butter and 2 tbsp vegetable oil (I substituted with olive oil cause it's all I had and it didn't affect the overall taste). Heat for 30 seconds then stir together. If not quite melted, heat for another 15 seconds. 

5. In a separate bowl, mix together 1 cup sugar, 1/2 cup buttermilk (or 1/2 cup milk + 1 tsp vinegar) , 2 egg whites, and 1 tbsp vanilla extract. Pour in the melted chocolate and mix until smooth. 

6. In 3 additions, mix in 1 cup flour, 1/2 cup cocoa powder, and 1 tsp baking powder. Mix until combined. Set aside 1/2 cup of this mix and pour the remaining brownie batter over the chocolate chip cookie, being careful to spread the batter around without ruining the bottom layer. 

7. In another bowl, mix together 1 pkg softened cream cheese, 1/3 cup sugar, 1 tbsp vanilla extract, and 1 egg. Use a whisk to smooth out the lumps. 

8. Pour evenly over the brownie batter then drop spoonfuls of the remaining brownie batter into this. Use the back of a spoon to swirl the brownie batter into the cheesecake layer. 

9. Bake at 350 for about 40 mins or until set. Allow to cool then cut and enjoy your slice of heaven. 

With this cooler weather I expect to be in the kitchen a bit more in the next little while so stay tuned for more recipes.